I found a seat in the middle row. I was thirty minutes late. I had planned to be early, but the awkward row with Theresa -my sister- hadn’t helped. Even now, I was still very unsettled and could barely listen to what the Sunday school teacher was saying. Several thoughts jostled in my mind and my heart seemed like a crowded ball room with guests rowdily making their way around.
“How could a matter as trivial as responding late to a chat trigger such tirade, my thoughts went on. Accepted, my ineptitude (as she had described it) meant we will suffer power outage for a while but, that was all”. Now though, what was more debilitating for me, was the fact that I had retorted when she confronted me, revealing traces of anger in me that I hadn’t realised still existed. “How could I have disappointed God so”?, I berated myself.
Distraught, I reclined in my chair and intensified efforts at concentrating on Sunday school.
”We seem to forget very often that God called and chose us and not the other way round, the Sunday school teacher was saying. And so, rather than live out our calling by trusting God as He admonishes in Gal 2:20, we tend to want to gain His approval by doing. Trusting God is simply knowing His word and acting accordingly. While God’s word is a standard and never changes nor fails, our circumstances and situations are no standards and can change as they in fact, do…”
Upon hearing that, I jolted out of my pensive mood. My heart quietened in an instant as I internalised those words. Without realising it, I had become so overwhelmed by mySELF that I couldn’t even hear God. I remembered the scripture in Proverbs 3: 5&6:Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path (Emphasis mine). If there was anything my heart was permitted to be overwhelmed by, it was God’s admonition in His word concerning my situation and by extension, trust in His word. With that, I acknowledged my shortcoming before God and expressed my need for His help. Needless to say, the rest of the service was awesome for me.
Very often, we go before God with our hearts filled to capacity with our problems leaving no space, however minute, for God’s word. And a supposed conversation/prayer to God turns out to be an agitated faithless questioning session. Didn’t Jesus say in Mark 11: 24, “Therefore I say unto you, what things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them”?.
So, we are permitted to take those troubles whatever their nature or magnitude to God but, we are also very much required to BELIEVE in God, in His word, in His ability to solve our problems. And you remember how many things are possible to them that believe, right? ALL THINGS (Mark 9:23).
Flowergirl (pseudonym) writes from Lagos.